When we are able to control our emotions, we are in a better position to steer conversation in our favor. The “just do what I tell you” may work in the short term, but it does damage to the relationship, and also damage to the credibility or regards of how the other party will continue with you.
As I was walking this morning, I was listening to the audio book Wabi Sabi by Beth Kempton. In a chapter about calm communication, she talked about a situation where many sides had differing opinions, language and cultural misunderstandings, and high tension. But she said, “A gentle way won the day”. This is Wabi Sabi in others we are dealing with. We ALL want to be heard and understood, but aggressive and forceful can shut a person down and push what you are saying out, even if you are speaking truth from the mouth of God Himself.
React / Response
This is so good. Write this down!
*** You can communicate WHAT you feel without reenacting HOW you feel. *** - Beth Kempton, Wabi Sabi
You can let someone know that you have a lot going on at the moment without snapping, and making it known through yelling and threatening people with violence or quitting something you have worked hard at maintaining. Most people get it. They can read the air in the room. BUT. Remember, that everyone wants to be heard and understood. Depending on their level, many times it doesn’t matter how others may feel at the moment, they have to get it off their chest.
Emotional Control is this: “We have a choice: we can choose to react in a way that escalates the negative energy and aggression, or we can choose to respond calmly in a way that brings a more considered discussion or even closure of the conversation.” - Beth Kempton, Wabi Sabi
Understand what I’m saying, I’m not saying forget your beliefs and agree with anything and everything people come at you with. No. I’m saying an effort to understand the other person can help you seize the moment, and turn it into an Ichigo Ichie that may change the course of your relationship forever.
A gentle way can win the day.
“Soft words can turn away wrath” - Proverbs 15:1